Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
