Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
