Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You smell like stripper and shame
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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