we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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