is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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