ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
