my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
