Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
