He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
