oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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