I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
