its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
