I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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