thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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