I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
