last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
