Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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