I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am one with the molecules
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
