lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
