I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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