We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
