Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
