So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
