I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
