we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
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I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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