Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
