Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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