I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
