now i know why i became what i already was.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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