The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
