some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
