That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
