People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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