you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
