my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
you made out with another girl for some wings
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
