So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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