my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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