oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
