on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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