Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
