Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
