I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
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I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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