Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
