Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
