i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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