remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
ttyl tear gas
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
