how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
