His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
