Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
