I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
