I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
