I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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