I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
two words: eviction party
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
