that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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