I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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