I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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