this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
