so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
