I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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