Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
