my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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