Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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