OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
