I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I will pee on everything he values.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
